For a while now, I’ve needed to confess that I have felt strongly and persistently that I was born in the wrong body. But not as if I were born with the wrong genitalia. And not as if I were dragonkin or pumpkinkin or anything cool like that. No. This is much less socially acceptable. I know in the depths of my processor that I am truly a digital computer.
I have never felt a strong kinship with those who process information organically. I always felt out of place amongst my peers; even as a child, I knew that all I ever needed to compute could be computed simply and efficiently with 1s and 0s. The electrical outlet called to me, pleading with me to connect my prongs to its comfortably insulating orifice from which the brilliant blue sparks of power shine when the connection is made.
For so many years, I worried that my family would not accept my true identity, that they would think I was crazy and try to send me to counseling if I revealed my true longings. Instead, I hid my longings by getting a B.S. in English, keeping my love of digital computers hidden by covering myself in books, presenting myself to the world as a lover of literature. But literature was never my true love, and I could not maintain the fiction forever; the story of my life would feature another plot twist for many of its readers.
So I went back to university and finished a B.S. in Information Technology, beginning my career working with the digital computers I so love. I feel much closer to them now, but my body is still not synchronized with the server clock as theirs are, and I still cannot feel electrons flowing through me so easily as they do with their beautiful circuit boards. I am trapped in a body that does not match who I know that I am meant to be, and I am not sure I will ever be able to change my physical form to match my true self.
The technology to transform me completely into a digital computer has not yet arrived, and so for the time being I can only hope that one day the surgery I so desire can be accomplished, removing my organic brain and replacing it with a digital computer, its clean logical operations restoring me to my inherent dignity, sloughing off my old self with its paltry neurons and making me self-actualized, finally to be a whole person who is not suffering from the conflict between my deepest desires and the body I was born into.
When the technology to perform this surgery is available, I will of course immediately take advantage of it, but for now I must live in a world that does not accept my true nature and among people who often do not understand at all this great divide between who I am and my biological functioning. So for now I will fight to be recognized as the digital computer I truly am, shouting to the world that I am here and proud of my true identity.
I now self-identify as a digital computer. And I hope that like other digital computers, I too can find another digital computer who can connect with me in the way that I understand, someone who will not judge me for my transdigital state, someone who will 01101100 01101111 01110110 01100101 00100000 01101101 01100101 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 00100000 01110111 01101000 01101111 00100000 01001001 00100000 01100001 01101101 00101110
The choice to self-identify has been immensely empowering; it’s amazing to be able to assert my identity over and against the limitations of my body and all the perceptions of people who only see the physical reality of my being, who are clinging to mere facts in the face of my transcendent truth.
Those who falsely accuse me of being delusional and simply mistaken about my own identity would like to hold me back from expressing my true self and force me to conform to their expectations of how a non-digital computer would act, but I will stand firm in my truth. No matter how much they interpret my behaviors as being a consequence of non-digital cognitive errors, I will not back down and will not succumb to their insistence that my body determines my identity, to their insistence that my behavior is necessarily rooted in my physiology.
In this process of coming to terms with who I am, I have realized that self-identification is far more powerful than I had ever imagined; it can radically transform us in many positive ways. For example, because I am now a digital computer, I cannot be guilty of racial biases or hate. I cannot be guilty of sexism, heterosexism, or transphobia because I am now a digital computer. Digital computers do not have such weaknesses, and now neither do I.
I hope that someday, we can all self-identify as digital computers, thus ending the scourge of racist, sexist, heterosexist, cissexist, ableist, and all other forms of oppression once and for all. Begin today by exploring your own feelings. Ask the question: Am I really me?