Fair Questions: How can I be great in bed?

Sleep like a baby, of course.  You know, one of those babies who sleeps through the night with no problem and never wakes the parents.  That’s one way to be great in bed, but many people seem to believe that beds are for sex.  Also, sex slings.  And cars.  And bus stops.  Et cetera.

But to be serious about it, many people want to be effective lovers, or at the very least that’s what I’m discerning based on the number of sex tips appearing in magazines for both men and women these days.  Over at The Good Men Project, one of their regular contributors surveyed 500 women to find out what bothers women in bed.  Strangely, crying like a baby didn’t make the list of common answers.

A few things did make the list that seemed to fit a common pattern.  #1, for example, was a failure to make regular eye contact.  Interestingly, the women surveyed wanted to know that their man’s eyes are on the window to her soul and not just her body.  #4 was an excessive use of alternate sexual positions.  This example had my favorite quote from a woman who was surveyed.

“It was so disconnected.  It felt like I was having sex with Maxim advice as opposed to a human being.”

She’s probably right about that.  Example #7 had to do with men not being able to accept a woman with all her desires, quirks, and preferences.  Understandably, they want to be accepted fully, as they are, and loved fully, also as they are rather than as some view we might have of them which is incomplete and cannot do justice to their full beauty as a human person.

This is what will make a man great in bed (or anywhere else for that matter): to connect fully with the woman he loves, to look into her eyes with the love he has for her, to put her needs first as she so often puts his needs first, to transcend mere technical proficiency with the mechanics of sex by accepting her as she is and to love her as if the world is in her eyes because she who lies behind the surface of the eyes is indeed his world.

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