Falling in Love

…can really hurt when you hit the hard pavement of reality, no matter how warm and fuzzy you may feel while falling.  But the pain is not why I would prefer to avoid falling in love.  Pain just lets you know you’re alive, and probably doing something in a sub-optimal manner. It’s great for learning, if you let it be.

The larger problem is that falling in love is often a viewed as an indication of relationship success, and it’s a test which happens to generate a great many false positives.  Why?  I’m glad you asked.

Spend enough time with someone, and an emotional high will naturally result.  Add even a minimal level of mutual attraction to that series of reasonably successful bonding experiences, and start down the road to a romantic relationship, and you will find yourself far down that road before you realize what’s happened.  This process occurs all the time, and almost no one is even aware of what’s happening or how to stop it.  And let’s face it, when you have an emotional high every time you’re with a person, no matter how stupid it may be for you to stay with them, you’re not going to want to stop seeing them and end the process. 

But that’s what you have to do if you really want to choose love, rather than fall into it and maybe choose it later because you lucked out and found someone right for you, which is statistically unlikely to a degree that I have trouble describing without using very small numbers with lots of significant digits.  Hm.  Maybe a Venn diagram would work.  But I digress.

I want to choose love.  I want to make a conscious decision as to whom I should spend my life with, unfettered by an emotional high.  Of course, noble as my ideals may be, finding a woman who would choose me without that emotional high presents its own practical difficulties.  Finding hay in a needle stack would be easier.

So where does this leave me?  I can either hope that someday I meet someone who can choose me without an emotional high and we just happen to be reasonably compatible, or I can allow myself to fall in love like any normal person and probably have lots of enjoyable but ultimately failed relationships.  It’s wonderful to have options in life, no?

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6 Responses to Falling in Love

  1. Try moving past the emotional high, and speed the clock four years into the future. You choose to love them with all your heart, and they turn around and can’t stand the idea of a future with you. That’s reality. 

  2. hmm interesting post. I’ve actually been thinking about this. But couldn’t one choose to love someone after all that emotional high feelings pass? On the other hand, after one has chosen to love someone, those emotional high feelings can develop over time as attraction grows? I don’t think of those two as necessarily separate or that one results in higher success than the other. 

  3. sumeoj says:

    This might work: put all girls you meet immediately into the friend-zone. Then, as time progresses, observe them to see if they meet your qualifications. Afterward, if you think it’s worth trying, begin checking to see if they would perhaps be interested in a romantic relationship.As for the emotional high- I honestly think that one begins to go into it when one fathoms a possibility of a future with the other person. By halting all sorts of possibilities from the beginning, this will hopefully curb the emotions.

  4. this post sounds like you were talking more about being heartbroken than being in love…

  5. You know how to find a needle in a hay stack? Burn it down.

  6. Pingback: Fair Questions: Why be friends first? | Isorropia

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